I have been having issues with my brother recently. It has been more then the normal brother/sister stuff.  More along the lines of pushing the other away, severely, jumping to conclusions about someone without really thinking, and using the other all the time.

Maybe I should back up a little.  My brother moved down to Louisiana to be closer to me.  Yeah, we were that tight.  He talked to me about almost everything (I drew a line at sex.  Sorry I just don’t want to know).  One day he decided he had enough of living under the same roof as our parents and wanted a change of pace. I got him a job lined up the next day and he was on his way two weeks later.

Everything went great.  We talked, worked, hung out, and did lots together. Okay, so there were some little issues, where he treated me like the mom at times expecting me to clean up his mess.  But that was alleviated whenever I started putting all his crap on his bed.

Enter the now fiance.  This was even good for a good while. She actually talked to me and we hung out without my brother around.  However, he wanted to be a man and survive on his own so he moved out.  This is where the trouble began. 

He stopped coming over as much.  He would go to everything for his fiance’s family and would maybe see me for about an hour once a month. Then the fateful Christmas came where my parents came to visit.  He told them he wouldn’t be able to make Christmas with us because he had too many to do for his fiance’s side. 

Really?  You don’t see your folks in over a year and you would rather be with your fiance that you see EVERY DAY!?!?  Whatever…

Well, that got ugly and he finally decided it was a good idea to come.

Fast forward to a few months later.  I was not asked to be in the wedding or partake in the wedding what so ever. (Hello!  Musician!! I play for weddings all the time!!) But I think someone ended up guilting him into it and Hubby and I are now in it. Not sure if I really want to be, but I bought my dress and there is no turning back now. (the dress is UGLY!)

Then somewhere along the way his fiance decides she doesn’t like my friends, so therefore she doesn’t like me either.  We don’t talk anymore and she refused to come to the house when my brother visits.  Which causes his visits to become even rarer.

Then he has the nerve to get pissed off at me because I am not spending enough time with him or calling him or whatever he thinks else is my fault.  And that I am spending way too much time with my friends. 

Hmm…well, when your own family won’t talk to you or do things with you, you kind of make other plans.  And I have lots of friends with lots of different kinds of plans. And frankly they treat me better then my family does. So I don’t see the problem.

Anyway, we talked about it and I suggested that he decide on one day each month (like every third Sunday) that we get together and have dinner, play a game, talk, or whatever. 

This has yet to happen.  And I have not seen  him since the weekend of New Year’s.

Then he doesn’t visit for Christmas to MN because his fiance refused to leave her family for the holiday’s.  He has not been home in over 2 years now.  I think that is seriously messed up.  There should be some give and take here and it can’t always be about her.

Now we get to Tuesday.  He calls Hubby and asks what we are doing that night.  Hubby reminds him we have rehearsals every Tuesday and that we would be leaving at 6:30.  My brother says, “Okay, because I need to come over and redo my friends brakes and I wanted to make sure you weren’t having lots of people over for a drunken party.”  Hubby states, “If we were having anything at the house we would have invited you.”  My brother continues to repeat about us having a drunken party and not wanting to interrupt and all this bull shit. 

So that is what my brother honestly thinks I do everyday. Have parties and get drunk.  Hmm…well that just….ergh!! I don’t even know how to respond to that statement. 

When my brother comes over with his friend, he says hi to me and goes back outside.  I am so pissed at this point about his lack of communication and thinking all I do is party (hello I’m an adult now, I’m broke all the time!) that I completely and utterly ignore him.  I’m not even kidding. 

Normally I would go outside in the carport and talk with him about his day or how things were going, but I stayed my butt inside and got ready for rehearsal.  I didn’t even tell him goodbye as I got into the truck to leave.

I want to clarify that I do ask him to come over every time I have something at my house or when I am headed over to some one’s house for an event that he likes.  And every time he tells me he is busy, has stuff with church, or has some prior engagement with his fiance’s family.

So here is my question to you.  Am I over reacting?  Am I getting snubbed out of my own brother’s life?  What should I do about it?  Because at this point I have tired to call, make plans, try to involve him when he doesn’t seem to want to involve me, and have exhausted all my mental thought process about it.  Then I have my mother on the other side nagging me to get together with him more and that I need to call him more.  Which bugs the shit out of me because he is the one not trying.  I can only give so much while nothing is given back in return.

I need help, advice, anything.

Pam is | Topic: Questions on the Brain | Tags: None

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