I feel like I’m running out of steam. On life. On work. On playing. On teaching. On doing anything. I just want to crawl in bed, on the couch, as far as my pj’s will let me go, and read or nap or watch TV or anything but cleaning and being a responsible adult. It is not that anything has happened that has made me feel like going in on myself and crawling into a little whole where no one can find me (even though that would be awesome right now). It is just a huge case of the don’t wants. I don’t want to be an adult with bills, a possible mortgage soon, letting people down, going to rehearsals, or going to work everyday.
I think I am just burned out on everything. And I think I mean absolutely everything. I didn’t think it would ever come to this. I love to play my horn. I love to perform, and I like to help people out. But lately, I find myself trying to find an excuse to stay home and not having one come over.
Even when I am home, with tons of time, I stare around and see the mess but I can’t really feel motivation enough to really do anything about it. For instance, there is still all that crap from our trip that has yet to be put away. Frightening I know.
Then there are the multiple cups of coffee needed to stay awake at work that never seem to help. But the moment that I get home I am wide awake, ready to do something or watch mounds of TV. I really don’t understand myself right now.
It is crazy to think that I longed for a busy schedule, and now that I have one that I can’t seem to work around – I don’t want to do it anymore.
Others would always ask me ‘how do you do it? How do you accomplish all this in one week?’ I was actually proud of myself to be able to keep a tight schedule and get more done then most people do in a whole month. Now, just looking at the calendar just makes me want to take a nap or another vacation.
Maybe that is what I need, another vacation just for me. Not for my family, or friends, or some other obligation. Something that I will enjoy and be able to do things on my own terms. That sounds like an amazing idea….if only money wasn’t an issue…
Do you think it’s the winter blues? I’m LONGING for a busier schedule and sit around being “blah” because I have nothing to fill the time. At the same time, I have tons of things that I COULD be doing, but I just can’t be bothered. It seems you’re in the same boat but for different reasons! There’s gotta be a way to “get away” that doesn’t cost an arm and a leg. If even for a night; just you, doing whatever you need to relax.
I feel like that all the time though so….I don’t know. It’s my normal I guess.
why dont you take a stay-cation? take a few days off to do NOTHING at home. its free to stay at home! lol
I JUST got out of this rut…Feels sooo good to come home to a clean home…But I had lost all desires…Couldnt even write when i tried…I got lazy, then lazy became triflin…I went to work and did what I HAD to do…I felt like a puppet just going with the motions of life…Its your mental…There is something eating away at you…Deal with it…Get your mind and spirit free…Take you some ME time, even if you dont go far….
I think we all get burnt out at times from the day to day things we have to deal with in life. I also think that Mich’s idea is GREAT! Stay home and make your own vacation fun.
there are definitely days i wish i could fill my bathroom with sand, put on my swimming suit and a snorkle, and find a whole underwater universe right in my bathtub. unfortunately, other than being a fantastic money-saver, i usually only find something else to clean…
take a break, let some things go, and practice relaxing. it’ll feel so much better when you figure out what’s bothering you.